I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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