i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
