dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize