I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
