no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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