o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
someone owes me an orgasm
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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