So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
