Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
