Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
