if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have already put on my inside pants.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
