Moan for me like Helen Keller
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
