honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
