Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
worst night to have a conscience
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
