his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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