Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He did a backflip because drugs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
