I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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