she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
