My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
