Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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