You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
