dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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