I wish I only lived at night.
honey bunches of taint.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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