Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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