D3 body, D1 cock
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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