if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
