I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
