hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he thought i was a dude.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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