I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
