Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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