I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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