Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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