On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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