I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
