Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
