please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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