you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
