I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
