a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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