3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
