I'm really into asian looking animals
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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