I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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