i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
vagina is talking i cant
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
