So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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