went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
