For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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