Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
