i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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