Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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