So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
