You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
