Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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