It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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