Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
