apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize