He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
