Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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