I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
