tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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