Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
