honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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