I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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