get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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