Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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