question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
