so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
