Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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