Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
