This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
