Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I stole a fireplace last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
