im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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