Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
