I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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