its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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